Saturday, February 19, 2011

Mohammad Meets The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills

By Nicholas Contompasis

One day Mohammad started up his generator in an arid southwestern region of Egypt and sat down on the dusty floor of his mud hut to catch up on the latest prayer from his televangelist-Imam. But, on the way over to his TV he accidentally bumped into his satellite dish and pulled it five degrees to the left, pointing it straight at a U.S. commercial satellite that serviced the East coast of the United States.

As he picked up his remote and settled in for his daily spiritual enlightenment, up came these painted women with puffed out breasts and lips that didn’t flap when they walked or talked. The clothes they wore were so brief he started to become aroused even though the lips were a turn off. Mohammad quickly ran out of his hut while stubbing his barefoot toe on his generator. He called out to everyone in the village to come see what he found on his television-adventure.

As the crowd of fifteen villagers gathered in the twenty by twenty foot hut, they watched as these women in the United States left food on their plates, spent more money in an afternoon of shopping than they made in five years on things they didn’t even need and argued all day about who had the best manicure.

The show quickly ended and up came another show with women that had butts the size of an elephant. This pleased Mohammad and the rest of his male villagers. The women from his village who were covered from head to toe were taking notes for some reason. This confused Mohammad, but he kept on watching anyway and waiting for these women with big butts to bend over.

Mohammad’s hut was getting smelly with all of the villagers who hadn’t taken a bath in two weeks. Amid broke his usual rank wind that caused two women to vomit which added to the smell.

Then a third show came on with starving women who did nothing but walk up and down a walkway never smiling. He knew right away where these woman came from. They were from further south of his village where there’s been famine for decades. But, he couldn’t figure out why the white women were so skinny. He thought maybe it was because the women from the first show never fed them their leftovers.

Anyway the show ended and the villagers left Mohammad’s hut with mixed emotions about these American women they had watched for six hours straight. The women found it hard to believe that so much could be had by so few. Why can’t we have that, the women wondered? It just isn’t fair, they thought, as they cut off their men from sex for two days and some two months. This news spread and within a month the entire country and region knew how women lived in the United States.

Mohammad and other men from other villages and other countries in the region became so enraged over these TV shows and lack of sex they headed off to Cairo and other capitals on their camels to overthrow their Presidents and governments.

So, that’s what happened in the Middle East. That’s how the governments have been overthrown. It wasn’t Facebook, Twitter or a great need for Democracy. It all started with a little show by the name of The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills.

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