Saturday, July 3, 2010
5:45 P.M. Saturday July 3rd 2010 – Vice President Bite-Me
As Mohammed Oudeh took his last breath today, the planner of the 1972 slaughter of innocent Israeli Olympiads in Munich went to his waiting 72 virgins. In that same year a young Barry Soetoro (Barack Hussein Obama) was facing Mecca and preying 5 times daily in Indonesia. He vaguely remembered the incident, but did remember the celebration by the townspeople afterwards. The President had many benchmarks in his life, that when triggered would send him back to those days engulfed in Islam. As his days in the White House dragged on, his occasional disappearing act was becoming obvious. The more he implied a lack of religious faith the more the White House staff knew what he was up to. Silvia, one of the upstairs housekeepers discovered his prayer rug tucked away behind an older set of golf clubs. He was not praying 5 times a day now, but when he felt stressed he would pull out his rug in the Lincoln bedroom and pray for guidance, followed by a good long cigarette.
Just about the time the President finished up his Saturday morning radio address to the nation, Vice President Bite-Me was touching down in Iraq with his wife. Bite-Me was forced to spend the 4th of July with the troops that loved him so dearly. He was sent there specifically to iron out the elections that were bogged down and to celebrate the 4th with the troops. Earlier in the week when the President met and requested that the Vice President go, the Vice President was astonished, that there even was a 4th of July in Iraq. This new information confused him for several hours as he wandered about the White House grounds trying to remember his name.
Rahm called the President with urgent news. “Mr. President we have a problem that needs your personal attention or direction,” Rahm snidely commented. “What is it,” the President said, as he thought to himself, I hope to hell it’s not the CIA with a subpoena. “Sir one of your biggest supporters and contributors is in trouble and we need to pull some strings.” OK, what is it?” He repeated again. “What do we need to do?” “Well, we need to twist a few arms and make things happen. Can I go ahead with what needs to be done?” “Sure, go for it,” the President said, ”you’ve got a green light on whatever needs to be done, OK.” “OK.”
As the President put the phone down, he thought to himself, who the hell is in that much trouble that the President of the United States needs to step in? He quickly picked up the phone and called Rahm back. “Hey, by the way, who the hell are we helping out?” “You sure you want to know,” Rahm responded? “Yes, tell me, now,” the President said.
As the 519th day of the Obama Presidency bailed on, it realized that it was busting Paris Hilton out of the hoosegow in South Africa for possession of marijuana, OYE!
This is a fictitious story based on factual and fictitious events and individuals. It should not be considered factual in any way. We hope you enjoy this daily fictitious tongue-in-cheek story of the Obama Presidency.