Friday, July 16, 2010

11:02 A.M. Thursday July 15th 2010 – Obama Bagman

He sat back in the luxurious private office on Air Force 1 after getting off the phone with Eric Holder, his AG, thinking wow half billion here and half billion there, after awhile we’re talking real money. The President was quite pleased with himself for accepting the Goldman Sachs offer of just that, a half billion dollars for the trumped up trading case brought against them several months ago. He knew it was extortion at its best as he now thought of himself as the greatest bag man that ever lived. With the Steinbrenner tax fraud investigation moving along nicely he could count on another $750 million in the coffers or a settlement and even some nice campaign contributions. All he’d have to do is call off the dogs. No matter, he thought as long as I'm breaking the backs of these fucking white rich people who’ve been oppressing my “peoples” for hundreds of years, I’ll “Keep on keepin on.”
He glanced out over the farmland of western Maryland on his way back from opening up another auto battery plant, this time in western Michigan. He realized it was all bullshit and that the cost per employee was unsustainable, but he figured it got the environmentalists off his ass and he could say he’s creating private sector jobs to the mindless independent voters.
The President was just tickled pink over the next bit of news from the Gulf. The oil flow had stopped and he rejoiced with a “Yeah Man.” Now he could put that nightmare behind him as AF-1 touched down in D.C. He knew the Right would hound him on it, but he figured he could handle it. But what the public and even his administration didn’t know was that he hated the old South and their history of slavery and its lingering bigotry. If he could send them all back to the Stone Age he would. He knew that this oil spill and offshore oil drilling moratorium would help send them on their way.
His next target was Steve Jobs, the owner of Apple, Inc. the most successful electronics company in the world, and he was ripe for picking. He knew Jobs was worth at least $3 billion to him if he grabbed hard enough. The President already had the media and Holder’s office all over them for the antenna problem on his new iPhone and he could smell iMoney in the water. Even though the President knew that Jobs real father was an Egyptian Muslim, he still wanted to twist his balls. Holder had suggested that they bring up the old stock options case against Jobs's since the statutes weren’t up yet, as the 531st day of the Obama Presidency Chavezed on.
Special Note:
This has been taken from Now the Eagle a fictitious story based on factual and fictitious events and individuals. It should not be considered factual in any way. We hope you enjoy this daily fictitious tongue-in-cheek story of the Obama Presidency.

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