Would You Vote for This Conservative for President of the United States?

I know about Libya. I know what Federal agencies must go. I know how many states we have. I know Hawaii isn't in Asia. I know how to pronounce corpsman. I can throw a baseball like a mother-fu*ker and most of all, I don't do vacations.
Stay thirsty my friends and vote for a real American this time!!!
- Nick Contompasis